9 Videogames I Wrote, Which You Can Play Now

Like most 80s kids, videogames were the centre of my world until about 1998 when I discovered Tia Carerre. If you're not of the same ilk, there's really no explaining how games like Link to the Past and Super Mario World grew inside me like babies made of pure joy until they were staring out of my eyeholes explaining the world. See if you can guess which 1991 game I was gushing over instead of writing about my summer holiday like I was supposed to be doing:

...And ever since the first game I remember playing (Golden Axe), I've wanted to write my own. My Frogger clone on the ZX Spectrum was sadly lost to time (read: the kid at school who didn't give it back) - but here are some more recent creations:

1) FATHER DIZ

If you know, you know! And if you don't, that's fine too because you can read the explanation which follows this sentence. That there's a classic scene from 90s sitcom Father Ted, starring Codemasters mascot Dizzy. A frustrated priest posing as Ted's old friend is baring his Y-fronts to frighten Ted into staying in bed, so he can go downstairs and steal his Golden Cleric, an award he received for being a really great priest. This is dynamite stuff, people! And translating that to a 320x200 title screen took me about a week. Look at that series of pixels all along the inner thigh. OK, it's possible I'm just nuts.

This was a real labour of love, made ten years ago with a program called DizzyAGE. You can download the game here and play it straight away (Z/X to walk, SPACE to jump, ENTER for action), or just watch my playthrough. I'm very sorry about the music.

2) TYCOON DIZZY

I should state at this point that I really, really like Dizzy. It was a brilliant, unique franchise and the only reason it didn't "break America" is that legal battles over Codemasters' wacky cheat cartridge delayed the launch of its NES game until the consumer ship had sailed. Dizzy should really be a household name by now. But enough about that.

I wrote this one for DizzyAGE and once again you can download it here. (Tip if you actually do: pick up the chair leg and eat the cake!) I then wrote a smaller, more kid-friendly version as a 4-month project in FUZE 4 Switch, a criminally-overlooked coding package for, yes, Nintendo Switch. If you fancy joining in and perhaps learning some things, FUZE is currently at £7.99 but does go on offer quite a bit. The download code for this game is then NRZXVMNDXH. Alternatively you can go for Fuze Player at 99p, which is a showcase of selected games on rotation. Or you can just watch the video.

3) JOE WICKS HERO

I'm not sure if anyone remembers, but in 2020 Joe Wicks was the man of the moment. Under Covid lockdown, those who weren't playing Animal Crossing were following along to his workout videos. A Jane Fonda for a new generation! Me, I was writing my first-ever FUZE creation: NHV2ZGNDXH. It was a big confidence boost knowing I could do it. The maths behind the button-symbol placement are surprisingly complex, and hurt my brain to look at now.

Oh yeah, the rest of these games are all FUZE ones. I should probably learn Unity or Godot, but I keep hearing talk of FUZE 4 Windows being in development. What I really need is that, plus another lockdown. I will change the world! You heard it here first!

4) PARASAIL PAT

For my next venture: a man parasailing off a fish! Without chameleon eyes it's tricky to steer both of them through the dangers. I like to think this is pretty addictive. I just wish I could take credit for the funky calypso music. Code: NXKVSMYDXH.

5) EYE OF THE SWITCH WARRIOR

I mentioned coding on my ZX Spectrum as a kid, and if you're not aware, a big part of that culture was type-ins. Better coders than you would write their programs in magazines and books, and you would just copy them, earning both a free game and some education. Eye of the Star Warrior was one such listing, and the subject of this book. It was over 900 lines and it didn't work. Another big part of bedroom-coder culture was inhuman patience.

When I first heard of FUZE, this three-decade loose end was the first thing that came to mind. I still remembered the basics of how the game worked, and I was delighted to find the book archived for reference. I had to tweak it quite a lot, and a lot was lost in translation, for better or worse. But at least it's not cripplingly slow. (You can play the original here, if you want to see what I mean. You move with numbers 5-8 and give it commands like TAKE, LOOK, all that. I made it to the boss once - who killed me instantly - and it seriously took 2 days. I'm still fond of it, though.)

The video above is of Dave, one of the team behind FUZE, playing and completing my remake (code HQ4L3MNDXH). Watching it live was edge-of-the-seat stuff as he escaped death by mere pixels and saw it through. I was very grateful. Excellent work, Dave!

6) IZZY WIZZY

No, not Dizzy. His name is Ishmael and he's a wizard! The plagiarism here is hopefully blatant enough as to be seen as charmingly cheeky and shrugged off with a laugh. If not, I'll just change the name. This one still has some ways to go but I'm really happy with how it looks and plays! It's still a work-in-progress but you can have a peep with 3DV63MNDXH.

7) GUNPOWDER ALEX

For some reason I've always been interested in the Gunpowder Plot. I wrote this article ages ago and pitched it to Cracked.com, who were really nice and said they liked it but it wasn't for them because they're American. Duh. They no more want to hear about Guy Fawkes than I want to hear about the Gettysburg Address (or whatever).

I still think that's a shame, and I would love to write a game that tells this fascinating story in depth. Edutainment, that's what I'm all about! I've made a start here, and I have a basic outline going forward. But it's so big, I may need that government-mandated lockdown to actually get it done. The code for now, is N175VMNDXH.

8) FARMER ALEX

Another work-in-progress, and I really think this one could be good. It's a mix of farming sim and hack 'n' slash, as you build your farm by day and fight off monsters at night. You then spend your earnings on better farm equipment and weapons, and the cycle repeats until either you're bankrupt or eaten, or you emerge victorious as the Top G Farmboi (no, not like Jeremy Clarkson).

Even more so than my Guy Fawkes game, I really want to finish this. But I'm taking a rest. I was pouring so much time and energy into it that it drove me a bit crazy. I'll return to it soon. For now it's playable as a demo - BHK73MNDXH. In the meantime, I found it quite cathartic to give Alex a graphics overhaul and punish him directly...

9) PIDDLEPLOP FARM

OK, big finish. In addition to Father Ted and Dizzy, another childhood obsession of mine was Charlie Brooker. He wrote for PC Zone in the 90s and we had a subscription. I was so taken with his writing style and humour that I would read everything he wrote, even stuff I had no interest in (e.g flight sims before they were good). He had his own section where he insulted readers, did prank phone calls and once ate his own arse. Before leaving PC Zone he announced a website of spoof TV listings he'd started, and I was hooked on that too. I don't know if anyone else ever gets that indignation that comes from having been a big fan of someone before they were mainstream, but see, I was in at ground level. I knew the dog BEFORE he came to class!

Anyway. One listing on that site was for a movie starring Ralph Feinnes as a farmer dealing with an outbreak of a lethal gastric virus, getting pooed on by sick animals for presumably the whole duration. It's glorious. And I finally had the tools to make it a game! The video above is of Dave on top form once again, dodging piddleplops and poosplosions and Weetabix withdrawal as he tries to medicate his stock. If this sounds fun to you, the code is XGDM2MNDXH.

...AND HERE'S THE REST

Go on then. You talked me into it, you charmer. Here are all my FUZE projects, with the last 4 being WIPs, as we say in the biz. I hope you've liked at least some of them. And if interest.piqued and freetime>0 then have a go yourself!

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