"Are You Quite Finished?" - 4 of the Dullest Sportsmen Alive

It must be strange playing sport for a living. The reason you're making all that money is that people enjoy watching you - so it kind of follows that you're expected to be an interesting person to boot. Not exactly fair, but also not a big ask really. To some, though, charisma is a foreign country. Some get a pass (Andy Murray: Dunblane; Stephen Hendry: just his method / surprisingly sprightly without his cue). Others do not. Here are 4 of the most unforgivably boring sportsmen Britain has to offer.

1) MICHAEL OWEN

You probably know Michael Owen as the wunderkind who scored that spectacular goal against Argentina in the '98 World Cup. Even if you follow football, it's likely you know nothing else about him. There's a reason for that. Look at this:

The level of boring on display here is staggering. A lecture on the tog system of carpets by a man called Reginald would be more engaging. You could be held captive by a malicious AI with the sole intention of boring you to death, and it would struggle to match Michael. I can only imagine the talent scouts who found him in the first place were either pre-warned or didn't speak to him at all.

2) NIGEL MANSELL

I'm biased here because I already think F1 is boring. Even if fast cars did interest me, wide cars on narrow tracks where they can't overtake each other is just a dull thing to watch. Whoever starts first will probably finish first. Why is anyone else even there? Show me fast cars with wings driving off cliffs and you have my attention.

My dad doesn't take this view at all. In fact, he has Nigel Mansell's autograph framed on his wall. Even he, though, would audibly huff at having to watch the man speak. A millionaire driving the fastest cars in the world while looking and dressing like Super Mario, really has no business provoking this reaction.

3) TIM HENMAN

If there was anything sure to dampen the joy and excitement of a 90's summer holiday, it was Tim Henman. Or the Antiques Roadshow. Or Songs of Praise. But neither of those lasted 5 hours a day for weeks on end. Your parents weren't asking you to watch them in the vague assumption they would help define the era. Henmania, they called it! By around minute 5 I would feel my boredom cells start to tingle. The feeble, scattered cries of "Come on, Tim!" told you that even people who'd paid to be there were struggling.

This isn't isolated to the court. Watch him take over 2 minutes to tell you how he once met Tony Blair:

What an anecdote! I think what makes it bearable is the knowledge that you can turn it off. Imagine him cornering you with this at a party.

All of which is to be expected of a Tim. No one remotely interesting has ever been called Tim. Tims wear Polo necks and eat Wagon Wheels. Did you know his middle name is Henry? Missed opportunity if you ask me. Not unlike...

4) GARETH BARRY

The name says it all, really. It may be understandable from a Richard Head or a Pete File, but to deny the world a tiny, innocent chuckle at a funny name for no good reason just seems mean. A Twitter account dedicated to calling him out for being boring was presumably too boring to maintain, and has laid untouched since 2014.